Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
