i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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