Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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