explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
