He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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