i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
