is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
