Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
