im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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