When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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