FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
