No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
