Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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