Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize