i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
