I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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