she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
