I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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