I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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