he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
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He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
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Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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