i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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