What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
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You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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