you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
