Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
