She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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