we have officially lost it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
