actually, I'm a sock model
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
