I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
