I am puke
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
