so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
