I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize