so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
