You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
