Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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