in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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