dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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