Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
