I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
