That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
