Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
