I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I stole a fireplace last night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Help. Why am I so naked?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
