Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
