yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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