btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
