two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
