Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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