I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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