Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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