After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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