Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
