i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
