She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
