thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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