Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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