Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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