My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
