I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
