Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
