I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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