Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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