Got a toothbrush?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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