she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
