I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
