Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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