True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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