I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
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u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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