Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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